Hospitality

Like everybody else, I tend to think I'm a nice person.

I've read Jesus on compassion, Gabriel Marcel on disponibilite, Carl Rogers on empathy, and I think it's all a great idea. Yet, as I recently discovered, I'm not so good at putting it into practice.

A few nights ago my neighbour knocked on my door. She had just been released from psychiatric hospital to find her mother had gone away and locked up their house, so she had nowhere to sleep. I let her into mine, gave her food and blankets and let her sleep on my couch. My actions were fine. But I surprised myself by how much I resented having to help her. All evening I was irritated by her comments as we watched movies, annoyed by her going through my cupboards, and angry with her for disrupting my privacy.

Alright, so she wasn't the greatest guest, but surely her not having a house to sleep in was more of a problem than me being slightly inconvenienced?

I realised that I was reacting to her more as I would an overly-needy friend than someone actually requiring help. Everything from self-help books to Satanism has warned me about 'psychic vampires' - the clingy, the draining, the emotionally dependent. Yes, I should be wary when someone wants to make me responsible for all their happiness and unhappiness, but if all they want from me is a couch for the night, I think I should relax a bit.

There are reasons to be wary - whether I could trust her, whether there were people or agencies who could help better than I could, etc. But it occurred to me that I haven't really been equipped to know how to help people who are actually in need. It amazes me how insular our lives are, living in an individualistic society. In 21 years of life, I've never really been asked to give much to someone else. I give change to the homeless, but only when it pleases me. I'm starting volunteer work with refugees, but that too is on my terms. I go to their houses; they don't come to mine.

I don't know what to make of it all. Where's the line between being selfish and being protective of my own private space? Should I be doing more to help people? Does charity still count if it's charity on my own terms?